Jessie never shied away from any important topic, including her image of her own death. She was an atheist, a realist, and spoke often about how content and at peace she was about her own mortality and satisfaction with what she had accomplished in life. It was sometimes hard for her kids and others to hear, but she reassured all of us, death was natural, universal, and its inevitability could be accepted without fear or regret.
When Jessie had a crazy fall off her rollator in August 2021 and landed 14 feet down a ravine, breaking five ribs, she suffered for weeks but rallied in the end. Again an amazing Jessie. And yes she still managed to flirt with the EMTs who pulled her out of the shrubs down the steep hill.
But a second, even more serious fall in February 2022 foretold the end was near. Though we all hoped fervently that Jessie would rally once again, it was not to be. Jessie broke both femurs badly and was rushed to Stanford Hospital for surgery. Jessie’s son came quickly from Germany and her kids worked hard to assess how to best help her. She developed pneumonia in rehab, and internal bleeding. Her leg pain was intense, and she was very clear to everyone she spoke to that she was not up for a prolonged recovery, and that she did not see recovery as a realistic option this time.
Like she did throughout her life, Jessie wanted to be in control of her own life. She wanted to retain and reinforce her personal dignity and grace, and to decide her death on her terms. Thanks to the recently-enacted “End of Life Choice Act” in California, she was able, with the help of her family and a wonderful residential hospice, to make that choice.
Yes, our grief is profound, the pain of loss raw and devastating. But there is also the precious gift of knowing that we were always there for her, that she had our backs always, and that in those final days we gathered as family, we sang together and told stories, we reminisced about the dear and profound stories of our shared experience, and that in those final moments, there was the purest love.